Portents

Once again I am stuck in traffic. Amidst the torrents brought by typhoon Helen, it slowly drags itself. Like a lazy slug.

I commute everyday. The daily traffic that I have to inevitably endure has become the metaphor of this lackluster existence. Everyday from my point of view, I have a spectacular view of the Armageddon.

I am working overtime but I am underpaid. My salary could barely meet my basic needs. I have been thinking of quitting the job but I feel bad I would leave my boss mid air, who so rely on me, in the midst of so many projects. The only thing that keeps me here is the thought I am doing good service to the society.

Before you choke with your own saliva, let me explain. That may sound like a motherhood speech of some sleazy politician but that is sincere. Long before the release of the bar, I made a promise to God that if I’ll pass I would devote my first year as a lawyer to help the needy. I really think that my selfless and altruistic prayer moved God. Given the state of Justice System in the country, I could imagine that God kept rolling His Omnipotent Eyes, His Omnipotent Lips kept on saying Duh! His Omnipotent Ears getting numbed from the prayers of the over 7,000 would-be snooty lawyers (mulitiply it by 10 for their families and relatives, sucker friends who want to be associated with them and some criminals or potential criminals awaiting defense from them). So my prayer was like a breath of fresh in a stale room. Shortly before the release of the when the Chief Justice announced that the passing rate was lowered, I knew then that God lifted hid Mighty Hand for me.

I have kept my promise. I recommended to my boss a project for our 2009 department’s budget which addresses in the most urgent way the pollution problem in Manila. I have conscientiously looked for justification for the allocation of funds for a severely marginalized sector severely pummeled by the impact of oil price increase. Both were approved, were made as a priority project of the department. Both projects even landed in the front page of a broadsheet.

I must add that I never brought home any government property (except the laptop, only because I bring home additional work during weekends) like pens, folders, bond papers, toilet paper, even if all of my officemates thought that embezzling office supplies was the most natural thing to do.

Lately, I am starting to get frustrated. There are so many things I need that I could not afford. I have to feed myself; I have bills to pay: rental, phone, water, electricity. I have to fulfill the more basic needs: I have to buy books, I have to watch movies. You see, I attend numerous meeting. My job and profession demands that I would dress properly to exude credibility and authority. I am jeans and t shirt person so I didn’t have enough formal wardrobes. I spent quite a sum for barongs. I could not even afford to buy the Altec Lansing speaker for my ipod. And it breaks my heart if can’t give spare for my parents who have no source of income.

Did I mention that I am obliged to give a big chunk of my salary to the government to be consumed by pigs in suits?

I have talked to my boss about this dilemma. In as much as he wanted to help, he said, his hands are tied; he could only empathize. Of course I knew. I just want to send a message that anytime I would quit, once there’s a greener pasture out there.

In the meantime, I’ll go on in my daily toil. Painstakingly toiling to survive these crises of mind-boggling severity and indefinites: food supply shortage, unabated increase of prices of necessities, and the now palpable effects of global warming.