Pirate

My friend Jack Sparrow called me up. Excitedly he told me that he finally found the oeuvre he had been searching, finally completing his porn collection.

I empathized with his bliss because I know how he’d scoured every shelve and bangketa in Quiapo, Greenhils, Divisoria or every place that sells pirated DVD's in search for that copy.

"Really? Where did you find it” I asked.

“In found it in Quiapo, I went there yesterday after the mass. Destiny led me to it. I found the lone copy in a shelf along with rated R movies. I nearly cried when my eyes laid on it”

Like in the movies, with camera swirling from above in swelling background music and slowly fading, I pictured him in slow motion toward the shelf, grabbing the copy and then intensely hugging himself for such wonderful feat.

"Wait, you went to buy porn after attending a Holy Eucharist?”

Pause.

After we took the bar exam, we have been saving up for good karma points. We vowed to attend mass every Sunday and Wednesday, had pilgrimage to every miraculous saints, and help people at every opportunity. Yeah, yeah, it may sound selfish, but we vowed to continue doing these even after the bar exam results.

“Is that a sin? I should have bought it first before going to the mass.” He said it penitently as if buying it before the mass would make any difference.

“Of course not! We men watch these kind of flicks because we appreciate the woman form: God’s beautiful creation. Sure you watched it in the interest of science and research, right? Devoid of any covetousness and any prurient motives.”

“Hey, it was not my intention to buy porn. I was looking for the second season of the Prison Break. I just saw it there, lying in the shelf and my first instinct was to grab it.”

“Oh, you weak in the spirit!” I rebuked him as if I was his spiritual adviser.

“What else did you do?” I summoned him to confess.

“Oh, you sinful evil, bad, wretched fellow, you watched already eh! I can sense from your wet and lusty voice. Surrender to me your copy and run to the nearest confession booth to atone for your sins.”

The movie is the filmed EBN awards, sort of like Oscars for porn stars where trophies were given to porn stars with the best moan, best orgasm, hardest dick, etc. and the recipient receives it while stripping. The awards night would end in an orgy.