I didn’t report to work today. Had migraine attack.. . Or more like I willed myself to be sick in order to escape work pressures (and life pressures in general). Work deadlines are knocking my door… (and some self- imposed deadlines) .
Talk about …the mind wills and the body adjusts…
Any way, I was at home. I put my cell phone off. I told our maid “I am not home” so none would bother me. I shot myself off from world, and let it pass behind me, at least momentarily.
It’s uncanny how life would unwittingly remind how you suck even in the most random moment.
I was lazily surfing the TV channel when I caught the final episode of the Survivor Tocantins, Brazil. You know, that hit reality TV show that throws strangers in an island; they try to outwit, outplay, outlast each other and the last man standing would win a million bucks. Yes, Charles Darwin in 38 days. After the immunity challenge, one “survivor” was interviewed, or was it just a voice over. Any way, he said something like…It takes madness in order to live… or something to that effect. I did not really hear the whole quote but the terse phrase was highlighted in my mind.
You know those moments when your brain pauses, and then it automatically replays something very important that had just happened? It was one of those. Suddenly, you realized you have just been whopped in the head with a sledgehammer. Then you say “whoa, that was intense man!”
MADNESS. Indeed, that is what I lack in my shitty life right now. I don’t have that intense guttural MADNESS in order to live the life I have always I wanted. I have been living a mediocre life. Too comfortable with my lukewarm existence. What is frustrating is that I am not even excellent in what I do best.
MADNESS. I miss those times when I KILLED in everything I do.
